Part 1 of 4 | 11 Lessons We Have Learned to Make Our Marriage Perfect
I love this definition of a perfect marriage:
A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
My brother in law once asked me: "Do you and Derek ever get frustrated with each other?" I had to answer that we don't. We are usually on the same page and usually our likes and dislikes are the same.
Later I brought the subject up with some of my kids and they agreed that we don't fight and that our relationship is unusual. That they have never seen people get along as well as we do.
I began to ponder why we are this way. What has brought us to this point. We weren't always so congenial.
I came up with 11 things that we do that have made our marriage “perfect.” Each one has a lot of explanations so I have divided it into 4 different sections. There is a link for each section if you want more details.
The most important topic is:
I. Involve God
1. Put God First
Putting God first in our lives is the most important thing we can do as individuals as well as a couple. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, celestial marriage (which is an eternal marriage) is often described as a triangle. God is at the top and is making a covenant with the man and the woman who represent the two lower points. Then there is the covenant between the man and woman.
This diagram shows us that the first relationship we have is with God. We need to put Him first. As we do we are strengthened and we are blessed. We are able to face whatever trials come our way. Plus as we individually move closer to God, the diagram shows how it brings us closer together as a couple.
I have seen marriages where one spouse has put God first and the other has not. When the marriage came to an end, the one who chose to put God first has an easier time. They are given the strength that they need to get through this difficult time.
I have seen relationships where God was second for both husband and wife. They also were not strong enough to stand up to the world around them. Many times they let other things get in the way and become a priority before their marriage and before God.
I have witnessed again and again marriages where both spouses put God first. They are so strong. Obviously, the trials are still there but they have God on their side and they have each other. They both know that they are striving for the same goals. They allow revelation and follow directions that lead to more peace and happiness. Nonetheless, it is work, but it is a better path with better results and a stronger marriage and family.
My husband and I try to put God first in our lives. For example, we both fail and make mistakes. However, we also both strengthen each other. We both receive revelation about our marriage, our families, and our lives. We respect what the other says and know that whatever God asks of us we will do. Since He is the same yesterday, today and forever, He will not send us in different directions but will bring us closer and closer together to be with each other and with Him.
The secret to a happy marriage is to serve God and each other
2. Pray Together Every Day
My mother uses the saying "The couple that prays together stays together." I believe that is true. When we were first married I was too tired and lazy to encourage us to pray but my husband was very good about it. Through the years I have really come to appreciate our evening prayers. We take turns praying, I value listening to what my husband thanks the Lord for and what he asks for. It allows us to know what is on each other's mind and makes us more unified in our trials.
One of the sweetest things is to hear your spouse praying for the other. To hear the love in their voice, and the gratitude they feel for you. It only strengthens your love for them.
3. Attend the Temple Together
My husband has loved to go to the temple since I first met him. In contrast, I always knew it was a good thing to do but didn’t always enjoy it. I admit that early in my temple attending years I went to check the box. After several years I began to look at my feelings before and after I went to the temple. As I entered the temple, I often went in with frustrations, in contrast when I left the temple I came out light and happy. I realized that the temple was actually changing me into a better person. As a result of the change, it was strengthening my marriage.
Temple attendance is a form of service. When we serve others we are blessed and when we serve with our loved ones our love for them grows. The temple allows me and my husband to have in-depth conversations about the gospel. It allows us to discuss problems in our marriage and our family with the Spirit guiding us to the right solutions. The temple is a beautiful place that blocks out all of the noise of the world and allows you to see things more clearly. It strengthens your relationship with the Lord and so many times has strengthened our relationship. Go as often as you can. Many times going to the temple has been our date and it has brought peace and clarity to issues we didn’t know how to solve.
As always I would love to learn from your questions and comments. What makes your marriage perfect?
Use any of the highlighted topics below to read more about what we have learned in our marriage to make it perfect.
I.Involve God-When God is first in your life you will find your goals and wants to be the same. You will have a strong and constant companion helping both of you through the struggles.
1. Put God First
2. Pray Together Every Day
3. Attend the Temple Together
II.Make Time-It is important to make time for each other. To become best friends and to date often.
4. Best Friends
5. Date Often
III.Be Kind-Our spouse deserves our best self. They deserve our trust and respect. Through trial and error we have found 3 ways to be kind.
6. Don’t Criticize Each Other
7. “Who Can Be Nicer?” Game
8. Keep Your Mouth Shut
IV.Commit-We have made a promise before God and witnesses to love each other for eternity. Here are commitments that we have made that have helped our marriage become perfect.
9. Divorce is not an Option
10. Don’t let Anything get in the Way
11. United Front
