Part 4 of 4 | 11 Lessons We Have Learned to Make Our Marriage Perfect
How I define a perfect marriage:
A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.
You’ve come a long way, a lot of information to take in. Learning to involve God in your marriage, to be best friends, and the joy of kindness cannot be complete without our commitment to each other. This last section helps us remember the covenants we make with each other and with God that will allow us to have a perfect marriage.
IV. Commit
9. Divorce is not an Option
When I was a teenager I remember hearing a newlywed say that she and her husband decided that they were never going to let divorce be an option. That they would always work things out. I was very inspired by their statement.
When I became engaged I asked my fiance if he would accept that same commitment. He wholeheartedly agreed. We decided that this marriage is eternal and that we will not see it end. I believe this has made a big difference in our relationship. We’ve had to work everything out. We’ve had to be faithful to each other and work with each other. I believe that two righteous people that are close to the Lord can make anything work out. It does take both of us and I am grateful that my husband has been in it for eternity. After all, we didn’t get married to get divorced.
There is no more important commitment in time or in eternity than marriage.
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10.Don’t let Anything Get in the Way
We had just had our first child. A beautiful little girl. With the blessing of her came all the responsibility and difficulty and joy of a child. I decided to be the best mom ever and threw myself into motherhood. I did everything I thought I was supposed to and tried to give her everything she needed.
Derek was a grown man so I knew he could take care of himself. I knew this little bundle needed my every attention and when she was done for the day, I was exhausted and had nothing left to give.
One day Derek came to me and told me that he needed me. He understood how much I loved our daughter but that I was letting her get in the way of our marriage. I thought he was being “a big baby.” Couldn’t he see that she needed me? As I pondered his feelings I began to realize he was right.
I was allowing our daughter to come in between us. As good as being a mother is, being a wife is also so important. I had to learn to divide my heart and my time between the two of them. It has been so good for me to allow my marriage the nurturing it needs as well as nurturing my children.
One day, my children will leave and all I will have left is my husband. If I have not built my relationship with him then we will be strangers living in the same house. We should also remember that God commanded a husband, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (D&C 42:22). I believe the same should be required for a wife to love her husband with all her heart, and shalt cleave unto him and none else.
11.United Front
Our kids are really good at finding ways to twist the situation to their benefit. Have you experienced this example before?
Little Mary wants to go to her first sleepover. She is excited but knows that the sleepover is with someone her parent’s don’t know and probably won’t let her go. So she goes to dad and plays the sweet little girl card. Dad says “No” for very good reasons. So she tries it with mom. She is smart and catches mom during dinner and crying babies. She leaves little details out and mentions that she did talk to dad. Mom assumes dad is okay with the situation and gives permission for Mary to go to the sleepover. It isn’t until the Mary has left for the sleepover that dad asks mom where Mary is. When mom tells him that he had given Mary permission dad says, “I didn’t give her permission you did.”
It is easy for kids to go to the other parent when the first one didn't give them the answer they wanted. Derek and I learned early on the value of a united front. When our kids asked for something they have gotten used to the saying, "That's fine with me if it's okay with your dad." Sometimes it is a big decision and we will discuss it until we are on the same page and then come with a united answer. We have found that this helps resolve a lot of issues and helps our children know that their parents are unified.
Unity is important, commitment is important. My older children have told me time and time again how grateful they are that we will not get divorced. How grateful they are that we don’t yell at each other. They squirm and fuss when we display PDA but deep down I know they are grateful for the love we feel for each other. As we work together with God our marriage can be great. As we become best friends who enjoy each other’s company, our marriage can be fun. As we are kind to each other and seek each other’s best interest our love grows and as we commit to each other our love lasts throughout eternity.
I hope your marriage can be filled with perfect times. That as you choose to never give up you will have the most perfect marriage that earth will allow. God bless you in this endeavor.
As always I would love to learn from your questions and comments. What makes your marriage perfect?
Use any of the highlighted topics below to read more about what we have learned in our marriage to make it perfect.
I.Involve God-When God is first in your life you will find your goals and wants to be the same. You will have a strong and constant companion helping both of you through the struggles.
1. Put God First
2. Pray Together Every Day
3. Attend the Temple Together
II.Make Time-It is important to make time for each other. To become best friends and to date often.
4. Best Friends
5. Date Often
III.Be Kind-Our spouse deserves our best self. They deserve our trust and respect. Through trial and error we have found 3 ways to be kind.
6. Don’t Criticize Each Other
7. “Who Can Be Nicer?” Game
8. Keep Your Mouth Shut
IV.Commit-We have made a promise before God and witnesses to love each other for eternity. Here are commitments that we have made that have helped our marriage become perfect.
9. Divorce is not an Option
10. Don’t let Anything get in the Way
11. United Front
